A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.” I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife.” He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere,
He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
Joke Of The Day
A first-grade teacher named Ms. Brooks was having trouble with a student named Harry. "What's your problem?" she asked the disruptive young lad.
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
"What is 3 x 3?" the principal asked.
"9," Harry replied.
"What is 6 x 6?" the principal asked.
"36," Harry responded.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and told her, "I think Harry can go to the third grade."
Ms. Brooks wasn't so sure and said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry thought for a moment and replied, "Legs."
"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Ms. Brooks asked.
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!
"Pockets," Harry replied.
"What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Ms. Brooks queried.
"Pants," Harry responded.
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" Ms. Brooks asked.
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
"What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Ms. Brooks asked.
"Shake hands," Harry answered.
The principal was trembling.
"What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Ms. Brooks asked.
"Firetruck," Harry replied.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."
